Here I sit today after I did my noon Facebook live broadcast as I do every day now… I had just 1 person showing up, even less than like the other days.
I had started this at the beginning of April just after we returned from San Francisco after we had the life-changing experience of the birth of the twins Audrey and Aidan, brought into life by my daughter Laila and her husband Mike. We had stayed there for about 2 weeks or so and needed to come back to AZ to attend to our Community Cuisine business and all the rest of our life that just had changed so much – just like all of your lives – due to the pandemic.
One of the greatest challenges I experience is doubt and the sense that it won’t make any difference anyway. Are you familiar with any of these feelings? Why am I even trying? I had at some point over 10 people show up but after I took a break because I went through some pretty difficult changes my numbers seem to only go down. Even the friends that I asked to join me for this few minutes online may do it once or twice and then forget about it. But I don’t think they are not interested or against it… there seems to be something else going on that I am not aware of.
Could it be:
- who am I to even try? Just find another cause to join that’s already in place. Why do you think you are so special? My answer to this: if you have something that you think will bring about what I am trying to bring about please let me know and I will join that as well. And why not do both?
- there is no interest in the thing you are talking about, people are too dense and to involved in their own lives. They have no hope and they only want to feel better moment to moment, they have no interest in the future since they are hurting and need help. My answer to this: what about you? This is actually what somebody shared with me the other day when we talked about what I’m up to. All I ever are able to respond with is that I am not trying to bring together “most people” but the people who are ready for a better future, the people who can see a world that is not divided, a world that works for everyone.
- why this way? This is so abstract and nobody understands you. You need to translate it into something that people can believe in. My answer to this: I am trying! What have the systems that we are involved in delivered today? I see a total failure of almost all systems that we are living in be it political – including political activism, religious – including modern spirituality and religious science, economic, humanitarian, environmental… do I have to say more? I fully embrace that all these systems have helped us to get here and that much of it is wonderful and increasingly inclusive but I’m not settled or should I? Should I just relax and the history work itself out? Is that what you are saying?
- that I’m not inviting the right way. I am not on all platforms from Facebook to Twitter to Instagram and Periscope, YouTube, and LinkedIn all the time pushing my content and my story. My answer to this: no I’m not but I am trying. Can you help me? Can you share it? Can you give me feedback? Can you be honest with me?
- and lastly is it because you think: why you? Are you trying to be somebody special, a guru of some kind that does all of this just because you want to be special and above the rest of us? I cannot join you in your cause because I can’t support an egomaniac like that… I am suspicious! My answer to that: come check me out and talk to me. If I have any of that in me I am sure you will help me to get over that…. but what’s on the other side is that you don’t believe that you are the good news to the world. You believe that you don’t deserve to be the one that makes a difference and therefore you don’t even try and you hate when others do because it reminds you of the dread you feel.
Did I cover it? Let me know if I missed anything. I have one more fear to share with you: that my writing is not good enough. That I am not doing this blog post right and that I’m not a good writer and therefore I don’t deserve your attention and feedback. And today I have to say this to myself: get over it! And to you: get over my potential bad writing and help me out here – even if this blog post has asked you to actually spend some time reading… more that our online marketing experts recommend.
Let me be clear: I will keep going because this is actually not up to me (that’s a great topic to get into) but I sure would like to hear from you, especially if you are one of my closest friends. But even if you are from the other side of the world and we have never been in a personal connection I promise you I will take your works deeply into my heart.
Until soon 🙂